I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
