btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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