I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
