I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
