I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
