well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
