found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
