Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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