I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
