wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
