I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
