is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
