Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm too high and old for this...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
