sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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