you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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