I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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