Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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