Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
