A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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