We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
