Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
