Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Please, let me fuck your mom
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
