I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Terrible idea I love it
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
