I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
