If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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