Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
