he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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