After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
