so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
