Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
