whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
