I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
