I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
