when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
