Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
