just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
