you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We're too hungover to prance.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
