Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
