There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
