so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
