so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
