I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
