The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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