I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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