his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
There are leaves in my underwear?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
