Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
