I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
