watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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