i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
