i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
