The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
