dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
