Someone shit on the floor
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
