ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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