That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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