wakey wakey hands off snakey
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
