I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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